


And I Got Back Up (Those Days Are Gone)

by ProbablyWastingTime



Series: Chasing After You Is Like A Fairy Tale [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Battle of the Department of Mysteries, F/F, Fem!Remus - Freeform, Fem!Sirius, Fem!Wolfstar, Genderbending, Hogwarts Era, Lesbians, Second Wizarding War, Serious Injuries, Sirius Black Lives, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 18:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6999388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProbablyWastingTime/pseuds/ProbablyWastingTime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During</p>
<p>Sirius looks like a doll, black hair splayed over white porcelain skin and with the bright red splashed over her, she could be the Snow White from Lily’s stories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Got Back Up (Those Days Are Gone)

Remus watches the spell hit Sirius, watches her fall back, watches her smile fade. She has her arms wrapped around Harry; he screams and pushes against her as Remus watches Sirius - lively, wonderful,  _ beautiful  _ Sirius - fall heavily against the stone like a corpse. Her chest doesn’t move, and blood pools around her head quickly. 

She looks like a doll, black hair splayed over white porcelain skin and with the bright red splashed over her, she could be the Snow White from Lily’s stories. She’d always joked - before - that she deserved to be treated like a princess, even as she tackled James to the floor and shoved her feet in his face. 

Remus can’t look away, despite the burn in her veins telling her to  _ kill Bellatrix now _ because Sirius is  _ dead  _ and it doesn’t add up. Her brain can’t quite seem to wrap itself around the fact that Remus is truly alone in the world now. 

Harry is out of her grip and following Bellatrix out of the room and Remus is still frozen and staring in horror. Tonks runs to Sirius and skids on her knees to the body, and Remus thinks someone should tell her not to bother trying to save a dead person. 

Tonks’ hands are covered in blood and all Remus can do is watch. Watch as she turns her cousin gently, flicking her wand over the injury until the pool of blood stops growing. Watch as Tonks looks up at Remus, Sirius now cradled in her lap, her eyes unnaturally focused. 

“Remus, you with me?” She says. Her hands are covered in blood and it’s all over her robes. it’s Sirius’ blood and it’s all over her and she doesn’t seem to even notice it’s there. “Remus. please, I need you here.”

Remus’ eyes snap to Tonks’ and they are so sharp and determined that Remus moves forward and kneels in the blood. 

“She’s lost a lot a lot of blood,” Tonks grasps Remus’ wrist in her hand, and her fingers slip over her skin with how blood soaked they are. “She needs urgent medical attention, but St. Mungo’s is out of the question. We’ll have to go to Hogwarts, and we have to go right now.”

Tonks stands with Sirius in her arms and Remus half expects her to slip through Tonks considering how ghostly she looks. Her skin is translucent, and she has been terrifyingly skinny since Azkaban but now, like this, she is positively skeletal. 

“Remus. Please.” Tonks moves closer to her, and Remus wraps one arm under Sirius’ stone cold shoulders, rests a hand on her chest and feels, so very very faintly, her heart fluttering. 

* * *

They apparate together, and run as fast as their adrenaline filled bodies allow. Remus casts a patronus ahead of them, warning Madam Pomfrey of their arrival, and practically slams into the castle doors. 

Carrying on through the hallways, Remus questions briefly why no one comes out to see what the racket is, but their arrival at the hospital wing distracts her. Tonks gets Sirius on a bed and practically collapses on the floor, the rush apparently leaving her now that she’s done all she can. 

Poppy is on Sirius in an instant, potions in hand and all Remus can do is help Tonks to another bed and wait. 

* * *

“Sirius, please. Sirius. I love you, please.”

* * *

In a private section of the hospital wing, Remus sits, gripping Sirius’ hand like a lifeline. She is still pale, but she always has been adverse to a little tan so Remus can pretend that she is just sleeping; that she will wake up soon. 

Madam Pomfrey had said that whatever Bellatrix hit her with, it’s not left any after affects, and now it was just a matter of letting Sirius heal in her own time after the severe head injury. She has a scar running from her temple that disappears into her hair now, but Poppy says she will be perfectly fine. 

Once she wakes up. If she wakes up.    
  
_ ‘The brain is complicated, miss Lupin,’  _ Pomfrey had said,  _ ‘everything seems in order, and I’m hopeful, but there’s no telling how long until Sirius decides to wake up _ . _ ’ _   
  
Tonks settles a hand on Remus’ shoulder. “You should go back to headquarters, get some rest, have something to eat.”

“I can’t. I can’t leave her.” Remus’ voice is tear stained. She shifts Sirius’ hand in hers to trace the blue line of her veins with her fingers. 

“Remus, it’s  _ okay _ . I’ll stay, and I’ll get you if anything at all happens, but  _ go home _ and come back later.” Remus doesn’t acknowledge her. “The children will be waking up soon. How do you think Harry will feel, if he comes in here to see how Sirius is, and you look like you’ve just come back from a three day bender?”

“She wouldn’t leave me.” She says nothing, but Remus can feel Tonks watching her. “If it were the other way round, Sirius would stay.”

“And I’d force her to leave.” Tonks bodily forces Remus out of her chair., pushes her towards the door.

“Remus. She’s a fighter. Sirius isn’t leaving us anytime soon.” Tonks’ voice is soft.   
  
Remus pauses in the doorway. “I know,” she says.   


* * *

A quick spell takes care of her dripping wet hair, and Remus pulls on the first clean clothes she can find. The top is actually Sirius’ - a faded Black Sabbath tee that fits Remus almost perfectly because it’s far too big for Sirius. She hesitates before pulling it on, but decides wearing it is more comforting than distressing. 

The room is littered with reminders, and for a second, it’s 1981 and Remus has a flat that she can’t afford, full of memories she doesn’t want. 

She has to take a second to ground herself, to tell herself that this isn’t at all the same, she hasn’t lost Sirius this time. 

The room comes back into focus, slowly. The heavy curtains are pulled, and Remus can’t remember what time it is. She wants to get up and check if it’s day or night, but her legs cannot be convinced to move.

Instead Remus curls up on top of the bed covers and buries her face into Sirius’ pillow. She wants it to smell like the rose perfume Sirius used to use, but instead it smells like the apple shampoo she is always borrowing - stealing - from Remus. 

Remus cries silently into the pillow, until exhaustion eventually takes over and she falls asleep. 

* * *

It is three weeks later, and Remus has gone through ten cycles of deciding to wash the Black Sabbath top and put it away, just to put it back on again a few days later. 

She has started referring to this as ‘Sirius Watch’ - spending every waking second at Sirius’ bedside, and only leaving to eat and sleep when someone - usually Tonks - comes and forces her out. 

A book is open on her lap, but she can barely get through one sentence before glancing at Sirius. She briefly wishes she still had long hair. She remembers Sirius, in the common room, in class, whenever she was bored - pulling strands of her hair forward to twist into small plaits. 

She liked to play with Remus’ hair sometime; late at night, pulling it into a french braid. She remembers Sirius’ theatrical scream when they returned after summer for fourth year, and Remus’ hair didn’t even pass her jaw anymore. 

Remus is staring at her hands, lost in the memory, when a voice speaks softly next to her. 

“Fuck.”

Remus’ head snaps up and for a second she is frozen, before she throws herself at Sirius, her book tumbling to the floor.

“Oh God, Oh God, Sirius.” Remus can’t seem to catch her breath, and Sirius’ arms circle her weakly, but her nails dig into Remus’ shoulders and it is the best thing she has ever felt. 

“Hi. Hey. Is that my top?” Remus laughs and looks at Sirius. She’s blinking slowly and looks like she hasn’t slept in fifty years, but she is awake and talking and Remus loves her so very much.

“Sirius. Do you remember what happened?” Remus sinks back to her seat, catching one of Sirius hands to hold in her own.

“Err… We were at Grimmauld Place.” Sirius squints and looks off to the side. “Then the ministry? Then… I’ve got nothing.” 

“Bellatrix hit you with some curse, we don’t know what. You hit your head pretty hard though.” Sirius stares at Remus, her eyes look confused and glazed over, and Remus wonders if she’ll even remember this. 

“That is my top. Why are you wearing my clothes.” Sirius pouts.

“Sirius. You were really hurt, do you understand that?” Remus leans in a little, tries to catch Sirius’ eyes but she is too busy staring in offence at her burrowed tee. 

“Yeah, head injury, bad. Not even dead yet and you’re already stealing my stuff. I never took you for the type, Lupin.” The corner of Sirius’ lips turn up slightly. 

“And what type is that, exactly?” The hand that Remus’ has been holding switches so Sirius is holding Remus, and though Remus could easily resist Sirius’ weak pull, she falls happily into the bed next to her. 

“Sentimental.” Remus laughs softly into Sirius’ arm. “So you would have missed me, huh?”   
  
“More than you know,” Remus says, leaning up to kiss Sirius gently. 


End file.
